Home and Away

1. We are trying to get back to our old house, the one with the garage in front. First, the door is slanted and collapsing, then the sand spiders start in. God, the sand spiders.

2. The kid is amputated at the thighs and sitting on a mirror. "He looks like a worm," I say to you. "Hey Dave," you say to the kid, "haven't seen much of you around."

Tazed

We are on a bus in a foreign land being wrongly interrogated by police. The police say they will let us go if they can taze us in three places: our feet, our hands, and our nipples. Everything goes slow motion as we bravely submit to them.

Horn Scam

Snowden gives me a French horn in lieu of beer money. The guy at the bodega won't take the horn and insists upon cash. I do some snappy debit machine scam where I don't swipe my card and I run out and leave the French horn on the floor by the gum racks.

Ringworm

Alan brings a bunch of diseased cats over. I ask him politely if he'd mind bagging the cats, as they are sure to infect Maggie. He complies, although he uses paper instead of plastic (in spite of my suggestion).

Hiatus

We got a puppy. No sleeping. No dreaming.

Where to Start

I'm a doctor and my patient is a little girl. She presents with trouble urinating and a detachable nose. The nose is plastic and meant to resemble caucasian flesh tones, but it's a bad match and kind of terrifying.

Taller

There is a fight about his drinking, another about his actual height. She claims she is taller, but they can't measure now because they are driving across the desert. When they stop at a gas station, he pretends the fight was a draw and holds her at arm's length so he can't be proven wrong.

Nobody You Know

A group of people walk in a straight line over a sand dune and stop at a patch of concrete where a plane took flight seconds before. They stare at the air where the plane was. A blonde wig falls from the sky and someone picks it up and dashes it onto the sand.

Fight

We are having a big fight because you betrayed me the way I betrayed you. We are in a hotel room and I am crying. I keep trying to throw things at you, but they just rise up into the air and flutter gently to the ground.

Halloween Dreams

1. There is a lobotomized kid coming to live with us. He has curly hair and glasses and walks like a zombie. We get some kind of extra healthcare benefits if we let him sleep on our couch.

2. I am at church camp and I'm supposed to be crawling through a series of progressively smaller tubes. I don't want to do it so I direct a kind of growling sound at one of the coercive camp counselors. Then I woke up in my bed, making the growling sound out loud (which was really scary).