Halloween Dreams

1. There is a lobotomized kid coming to live with us. He has curly hair and glasses and walks like a zombie. We get some kind of extra healthcare benefits if we let him sleep on our couch.

2. I am at church camp and I'm supposed to be crawling through a series of progressively smaller tubes. I don't want to do it so I direct a kind of growling sound at one of the coercive camp counselors. Then I woke up in my bed, making the growling sound out loud (which was really scary).

Chi and Me

I have to teach a group of little kids an emergency Tai Chi class. I start by stalling in the gym supply closet until one of them comes after me. Then I ask each of them to tell me where they think the soul resides in the body; we all agree it's somewhere between the brain and the chest, probably in the neck.

Funeral Crashers

We go to two Jewish funerals: one happy and one sad. We are late to the sad one (because we were having so much fun at the happy one) and we disrupt the service and cause a scene. Later, the deceased shows up as a chair ghost and I seemingly hover while I sit on him in the aisle of the synagogue.

TIger

A woman's throat opens up and inside is a small plastic tiger on a chain. "It's the coughing that keeps me up nights," she says. I am unswayed and insist it's the rap music the neighborhood boys have been playing that keeps her awake.