Home and Away

1. We are trying to get back to our old house, the one with the garage in front. First, the door is slanted and collapsing, then the sand spiders start in. God, the sand spiders.

2. The kid is amputated at the thighs and sitting on a mirror. "He looks like a worm," I say to you. "Hey Dave," you say to the kid, "haven't seen much of you around."

Tazed

We are on a bus in a foreign land being wrongly interrogated by police. The police say they will let us go if they can taze us in three places: our feet, our hands, and our nipples. Everything goes slow motion as we bravely submit to them.

Horn Scam

Snowden gives me a French horn in lieu of beer money. The guy at the bodega won't take the horn and insists upon cash. I do some snappy debit machine scam where I don't swipe my card and I run out and leave the French horn on the floor by the gum racks.

Ringworm

Alan brings a bunch of diseased cats over. I ask him politely if he'd mind bagging the cats, as they are sure to infect Maggie. He complies, although he uses paper instead of plastic (in spite of my suggestion).

Hiatus

We got a puppy. No sleeping. No dreaming.