Fight

We are having a big fight because you betrayed me the way I betrayed you. We are in a hotel room and I am crying. I keep trying to throw things at you, but they just rise up into the air and flutter gently to the ground.

Halloween Dreams

1. There is a lobotomized kid coming to live with us. He has curly hair and glasses and walks like a zombie. We get some kind of extra healthcare benefits if we let him sleep on our couch.

2. I am at church camp and I'm supposed to be crawling through a series of progressively smaller tubes. I don't want to do it so I direct a kind of growling sound at one of the coercive camp counselors. Then I woke up in my bed, making the growling sound out loud (which was really scary).

Chi and Me

I have to teach a group of little kids an emergency Tai Chi class. I start by stalling in the gym supply closet until one of them comes after me. Then I ask each of them to tell me where they think the soul resides in the body; we all agree it's somewhere between the brain and the chest, probably in the neck.

Funeral Crashers

We go to two Jewish funerals: one happy and one sad. We are late to the sad one (because we were having so much fun at the happy one) and we disrupt the service and cause a scene. Later, the deceased shows up as a chair ghost and I seemingly hover while I sit on him in the aisle of the synagogue.

TIger

A woman's throat opens up and inside is a small plastic tiger on a chain. "It's the coughing that keeps me up nights," she says. I am unswayed and insist it's the rap music the neighborhood boys have been playing that keeps her awake.

Flapples

Natalie Portman and I are trying to figure out where to eat. I suggest a vegan slice at Vinny's Pizza, but NP claims they use the same cooking trays for the regular pizza. I am annoyed that she has taken her veganism this far, and I am also surprised that I never noticed that she has no ears, only little flaps on the sides of her head that open and close when she talks.

Money, Greed

1. We are in an airport that is full of restaurants and bars and drunk people. One of said people is standing in line in front of me and money keeps falling out of his pockets. My first instinct is to take it, but then I feel a sudden moral shift and I dramatically hand him his money (and his Belgian passport, which had also fallen from his pocket).

2. At our neighbor's dinner party, we discover that though we share a floor plan, our living room is 50 feet narrower. We are particularly enraged because they pay $50 less a month. Silently fuming, we eat dinner with the other guests, making eye contact with no one.

Baby Talk

This baby boy I'm taking care of is making these little crab hand movements. Soon, it's apparent that he's doing Morse code. I start to write down what he's trying to communicate but all I get are the words "so there" and I know I've missed the most important part.

Over It

Something about windsocks? And my mom is there but she's basically breaking up with me. "Let's just give this whole thing a rest," she says.

Contests, True Love

1. I'm competing in a ten-key adding machine race. The grand prize has something to do with winning a private train car. All of the numbers on the key pad are switched around, but the judges assure me that if my tape shows sums that are "perfectly wrong" I'll still win.

2. Stephanie tells me she is happily married to a Jamaican basketball player. She is eating dinner at my house, but she keeps checking her watch because she works the late shift as a waitress. As she talks to me, I see an image of her husband blocking her approach to a basketball hoop and the two of them collapsing in the grass and kissing.