Badgerish

There is some cute, unidentifiable mammal who wears a little hat living in our backyard. It has a nest made from dollar bills and shredded up dixie cups. You and I plot to steal the creature's cash when he goes out foraging.

The Bar

We are at a bar with a group of friends and my bowl of goldfish is in the middle of the table. You keep playfully biting the top of my head like it's an apple. I'm having fun, but I really want to be back at home, reading the book Burn Your Bridges, Samuel Beckett.

Lost

I am trying to find my way home from a distant part of Brooklyn. I don't have any money or keys, and it's the middle of the night. Somehow, Eric Clapton is to blame.

Cell Phones, Easter

1. There are a bunch of different cell phones in my bed. One is my mom's and I am stressed out because I know she needs it and I'll have to FedEx it to her immediately. Another one is unfamiliar but has pictures of me and my cousins with our heads floating in jars of liquid (this isn't scary, more like a really neat optical illusion).

2. I am back in graduate school and my then-boyfriend is acting guilty. His pager is vibrating in his pocket and he's wearing a bracelet made of candy. Just when I start to get really suspicious, Mochila comes around the corner with a basket and says, "Happy Easter," in a chicken/rabbit voice.

The Cleanest of the Three

My dad is in my mom's hot tub with my stepsister (from my mom's remarriage) and two other girls I don't know. This makes me feel uncomfortable and I tell my dad so. All three girls stand up to reveal that they are pregnant and I am relieved*.

*I've just suffered through a string of unbloggable sex-with-various-family-members dreams and I am quite finished with that, Subconscious please take note.

Responsibility

I am at a party in a really rough neighborhood to celebrate the pilot of some television show I've never heard of. At some point everyone leaves me in charge of their rent money while they go buy more beer. I am in this stranger's apartment with stacks and stacks of cash all around me when I realize that 1) the door doesn't lock and 2) the walls are made of glass.

Not Sure How to Take This

My agent forwards a box of books to me from my publisher. There is no title on the front jacket cover, and only one blurb on the back, from Newsweek. It says, "...possibly the best meatball writing we've seen from a human."

Pookie

We decide to go to Flagstaff for old-time's sake, and also because the state of Arizona will soon close for the next ten years. A hotel manager named Pookie rents us adjoining rooms. "Now I've seen it all," she says mysteriously.

At the Opera

Susan Sarandon is doing some avant-garde performance at the Met. The audience is in the lobby and Sarandon is outside dressed like a sea creature. Sponge-tipped tentacles stream from her body and smear pink paint all over the massive windows.

Brookalona

We are still in Barcelona, only Barcelona is exactly like Brooklyn. "We are so lucky to live here," we say. We have awesome free health care but that seems to be the only difference.