Bad Decisions, Insults

1. I allow a sorority girl to be murdered by her ex-boyfriend and then I look the other way while he stashes her body in my bathroom (which is refrigerated for some reason). It's unclear why I allow this to happen or why I am involved at all, since I don't know either of them. I understand that the cops are going to call me in for questioning and that I will probably go to jail; it is a huge relief to wake up and not be a criminal.

2. An old Columbia colleague and his pregnant girlfriend are discussing their grocery purchases with me. She drones endlessly about dye-free toilet paper and cloth diapers. At some point my old colleague lights a cigarette and I call him a retard; he is, of course, offended.