Bad Hedgehog Parents, Double Team

1. Though we both know how important it is to pet our hedgehog every day to socialize it, we realize it has been weeks, maybe even months, since we have touched ours. The cage is all rusty and there is a dirty dishtowel in place of the hedgehog. I am relieved that it at least transformed into an object that doesn't require food, since it would probably be dead by now.

2. My synthesizer is broken, so I take it to a repair shop in Long Island City that also functions as a brothel. One of the female companions offers to do my makeup while I wait for a service technician. She does a great job, but stops when I am only half finished to take a double "date" with Matt Lauer and Joel Brown, a guy I dated in middle school.