Homeless Penis, Four Stress Dreams about Authority

1. I give a homeless man a dollar. He reaches into his pants and hands me his severed* penis. I say, "Oh, hells no!" and hand it back to him.

2. You and I are eating on the patio of some Mexican restaurant in Texas. You offer me a vial of cocaine, which I politely decline and leave on the tabletop. The police come in shortly thereafter and arrest me while you finish your guacamole and seem unfazed.

3. I am in a counseling center (maybe following the drug bust?) and my counselor is a girl with a pixie haircut and a "What Would Jesus Do?" sweatshirt. I am in some kind of intense therapy where I discuss my choices over the last few years. This is emotionally difficult, made more so by the fact that I am struggling to keep a squirming gerbil in my grasp and it keeps getting away.

4. Ronnie and I are at Barcade and I am writing on the glass of a Ms. Pacman machine with a purple marker. I write "Congratulations, Face! You are weeping!" before a bartender twists my wrist behind me and pulls me into the back room. I am terrified because I know that this bar doles out particularly harsh punishments for vandalism.

5. I am trying to impress you by buying you a trinket at Claire's Boutique in the Collin Creek Mall. "You can have anything you want," I tell you, but you seem uninterested and kind of annoyed. Three masked men come into the store and terrify people for a few seconds; soon it becomes clear they are off-duty police officers doing some kind of mall drill.

*not severed like bloody and violently, more like he just has genitals that are detachable