Donuts, Shorty, T.V. Guide Control

1. You and I are going on a road trip. To travel light, we lock our stuff in a freestanding locker on West End Avenue. The majority of the actual trip is spent inside various Dunkin' Donuts shops, with you waiting in line while I run through the aisles in an attempt to find the one true donut*.

2. I give birth to an 8 lb., 3 oz. baby who is only 14 inches long. I am pissed off because I am so tall and Ronnie is tallish and I don't understand how this could have happened. The doctor tells me, "the ball's in your court," but offers no other commentary.

3. People everywhere are being controlled by some massive T.V. Guide-based collective. Somehow I have escaped the brainwashing, but you have not. I understand that the only way to be safe in a world like this is to be totally anachronistic, and I reflect this by wearing burlap-centric clothing and whistling a lot.

*I never found it.