Fearless, Third Grade

1. I am drowning in a river and three firemen save me by pulling me up on a raft. I recover and get ready to leave but it is clear that the firemen are annoyed because I am not grateful enough. "What do you want me to say?" I tell them, "Sorry to ruin your victory because I'm not afraid to die.*"

2. You and I are able to return to the third grade, along with other adults who 1) have unresolved issues with their childhoods or 2) want to be closer to their own children. The teacher is giving us cursive lessons and we find them really helpful. Later, a bikini-clad woman with self-inflicted cuts all over her body sits in the center of the room and tells everyone that since she's been in the program her son is "bursting to read."

*I am totally afraid to die, especially by drowning.