Dr. Adams, Lost

1. I have secured some kind of television production job for which I am completely unqualified. Two of my superiors stand to the side of my desk and criticize my voice, the way I type, the way I turn knobs, the way I sit in my chair. Ultimately, I break down crying and blame my poor performance on some mysterious orthodontic procedure I had 14 years ago.

2. You and I are trying to find a bar in Manhattan with a waterfall inside, but both of our maps are invalid because the grid system runs oppositely on the weekends. The Lower East Side has also been condensed and edited, with parts of it relocated somewhere in the Bronx. To complicate things further, the bones in my feet are broken, making walking difficult; you assure me that once they heal, my feet will be stronger than human feet.