Kidnapped

In exchange for taking me off a desert island full of obnoxious Columbia students, I tell a scary man in an Oldsmobile he can do anything he wants to me, that "even a painless death may be negotiable." On the drive to his house he shows me an index finger in the place where his penis should be and indicates that this is why he has become a scary kidnapper. When we get to his house, he takes a nap and I prepare myself mentally for torture or worse by washing his dirty dishes, most of which are candlestick holders and muffin tins.